Geronimo! :: 10 unschooling hot buttons

Finally September, finally a glimpse of hope of the swealtering summer ending, and a new school year...for regular schoolers, and for some homeschoolers that follow a more traditional format. Which is fine. But I've found (despite my best efforts) that I've got growing list of mild to moderate frustrations/irritants concerning conversations about our family's schooling choice with the general, and sometimes not so general public. I think now that the children are older, clearly not pre-school age, it must be occuring more because it looks odder to have late elementary-aged kids out in the middle of a "school day", in the middle of a "school week". Maybe I'm just getting unreasonably testy. Maybe people (more women than men) are just less and less aware of/sensitive to the possibility of offending someone else (kind of like when I was pregnant with our third and a sales clerk at Rich's reached out for my stomach, patted it as I passed, and asked when I was due. October, I replied, to which she let out a huge, low, whistle, and said "Girl, you gonna be enormous!", as it was only, like April.). Maybe I'm just sometimes jealous of the women out there having a day without their children. Since this is my venue for venting as I see fit, I'm going to go for it. My Top 10 (or so) least favorite questions about homeschooling...

First, I hate the word religious, and the connotation of "religion" as a function. We have faith, we try to live it. Faith is alive, religion is dead. Religious rituals can be a part of faith, but are not a faith to live on in and of itself. All the Hail Marys or sips of Communion wine, or dunkings in the baptismal font in the world will not bridge the gap between me and my Creator. That only comes from faith in His son as our Saviour. Alright, enough rant. For religious reasons? Yes, if you want to use that word. For a better shot at showing/instilling in/convincing our children of our faith, and trying to model how we feel called to live, we try to spend more time with than without them seems a better way to explain it. But then I usually get that "did you know David Koresh" look, and raise of the eyebrow.

YES, YES, YES. I am extremely worried about socialization and what putting our children in a typical school setting will DO TO them. Am I worried they'll miss out at home, and be robbed of some social skill critically important to them only gained in an institutionalized setting? NO, NO, NO. Get mad, disagree, think we're off the deep end, rant about the koo-koo homeschooler mom's blog at your next cocktail party, but here's what we think. In general, sending the kids to school with a bunch of other kids will teach them to be like those kids. That's the socialization. And we're not seeing, in general, the kind of kids we want our children becoming. Largely, not entirely, of course, but enough to scare the hooey out of us. Sound snotty? Sorry, probably yes. But we have a job to do, and our measuring stick is not the world's. Don't tell me my 4 year old just has to "get over it" when he's afraid of being left alone in a pre-school or church nursery setting. He may not be ready. That's our job to figure out. These children, mine and yours, are individuals with individual needs. We're here to figure those needs out and meet them to the best of our God given capabilities. How could one school, once class, one teacher possibly achieve that? And we want "managed exposure". They will be exposed to life and the world, but in the time to which the Lord leads. Is that a certain age? Nope, it's a certain time, different for each child. Sound hard? Sometimes it is, but so worth it.

Yep, and whether or not you think I sound like a right-winged nutso with a Tri-lateral commission conspiracy phobia, this is my answer. SOMEBODY WILL "brainwash" your children. The TV shows they watch, the media, their grandparents, your church, the school they're in, video games, books, their friends...whomever they spend the most time with and have the closet ties to...so who's it gonna be?

In their progress as loving, responsible, maturing, working to be self-less, respectful, faith-filled young people? Yes. By observing them everyday in their interactions within our family and close friends. You meant in math, science, history, and the like? Nope. We really feel that this is an area that holds time on our side. We're teaching them to learn, not teaching them a specific subject. We're helping to facilitate their ability to teach themselves anything they need, with God's guidance, the rest of their lives. And if we forget to mention an entire subject, never even teach them where America is on the map, that will not be what makes them unhappy, unsatisfied adults. Not knowing how to have substantial, real, self-less, Godly, giving relationships and discover the Lord's purpose in their lives will make them miserable, though.

"Well, just what do YOU do all day?", I wonder about the moms who ask me this repeatedly with 8 hours a day to themselves (if they're not working outside the home) while children are in school. Forgive me for sounding, well, snotty again, but it is curious to me that parent after parent seems apalled at the idea of spending hour after hour, day after day, with their children. Do I get worn out? Yep. Do I sometimes wonder how we'll muddle through? Oh yes. Do I have to make some time to get by myself or go on a date with my husband? Absolutely. Recharge is necessary. But I can't help but feel this question is really saying, "how do you tolerate your children all day, every day?". And my feeling is that this is sad. Don't get me wrong, I am not loving every second, but I believe in it over the long haul, and do generally enjoy my time with them, just having them around. Which really is part of why we had children in the first place (other than the "I just have to have a baby part")...to be a family, together. The Lord said that "children are a blessing". But , (and maybe this is just me, but have you SEEN some of the behaviour out there?!) I don't think he meant just any child would bless a family...he means children being "trained in the way they should go" will be a blessing. No, our children are not perfect. But I can say I usually like to be around them, which seems to be an atypical statement, at least among many other moms I've chatted with. Oh, but back to the question, "what do we do?". We live life. We have morning routines, chores, errands, projects, meals to plan and execute, lessons to experience in how to deal with and love each other. There are loads of Lego buildings, tons of book reading, puzzles and games, and a little PBS thrown in. We watch some movies, learn how to run the laundry, pick up after ourselves and each other, take care of pets, and try to get to the great grandparents a couple of times a month (in Spartanburg). We're active in our church, have lots of friends to dinners, and are interested in sculpting, riding, basic computer programming and gymnastics this fall. We write letters to friends and family, do a lot of Mad Libs and are learning math playing Monopoly. Our oldest is helping me figure this blog thing out. There are lots of art projects, materials to play with and paint, construct and glue. We talk a lot. Things come up daily, hourly that are "teaching moments". By cutting and counting apples, our 4 year old figured out 4x1 through 4x4, and came up with the answers on his own (no math book, thank you). My lips are generally numb at the end of each day, and my brain reeling with all the information coming in and going out. And the children are happy, vibrant, curious and secure.

See question number 5. And let me add this. Curriculum is fine. Some families love it and the children do great with it. I've tried it. Many times, from a "professional source", and many times writing my own. It never sticks. Inevitably, it becomes wrote, boring, a chore, if each day looks generally the same and the work is predictable. For us, and many others (although I'm having a hard time finding them), daily life is the curriculum. There are some books, some times. Trips to the library. Mini-lessons based on current interests. But we do not attempt to duplicate school at home. We don't sit down each day at the same time, and end at the same time, nor do I always know what we're going to do when we I awake (or when the children wake me). That's just us, but my frustration is the difficulty in finding others who give this approach any value. Especially Christians...as if the "lack of serious structure" indicates a lack of real spirituality and discipline in our home. It does not, by the way. In searching, praying, seeking to understand and facilitate the best way to raise our children, to teach them, what I come back to most is this. Deuteronomy 6:5-7, which is "and you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with your entire being, and with all your might. And these words, which I am commanding you this day, shall be first in you own mind and heart; then, you shall whet and sharpen them, as to make them penetrate, and teach and impress them diligently upon the minds and hearts of your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up." And God also tells us that if we will put first things first, as in learning to love Him first, and impress this on our children, then He will see to all the other things we will need in life. And I believe that includes when the children need to know cursive, and times tables, and geography.

Well, yes, to an extent for now. See question number 2, the term "managed exposure". All in time, as they become more and more ready to deal with the stuff of the world, they will be exposed and learn how to best cope. And battle. What a better way to learn to deal with competition, adverse conditions, the bullies of the world, and the more needy, and the sometimes negativity than to come to it with wholeness and confidence instilled in them from birth? To not have to be told they're not meeting a pre-determined mark when they've not conquered certain words by a certain age, or their handwriting is behind this imaginary "mark", or the other kids in their class are rapidly firing out the answers to the math problem that is theirs, and they haven't figured it out yet...to not have to face these experiences early in life is fantatic protection of their young and sometimes fragile self-esteems. They have a chance to feel a lot of success, praise for learning responsibility, confidence in how they are learning to solve problems, learning to LEARN, consequences for bad choices (who else is really going to follow through on this but me or their father?), and the opportunity to begin learning just who they are in Christ, before heading out on their own. Call it a bubble, I call it my job.

Why not? What is in the way? If you don't prefer to, that's your business, and I don't judge it. But if this really means "I WOULD never do that", just say so. It's fine with me. Where we share common ground is here: Being a mother, or a father, is being a teacher. You've been teaching them every day of their life since birth. Some moms say they don't listen to them. Well, it seems that's a problem bigger than who teaches them history, and for the sake your relationship, and their future development and maturity, should be addressed no matter where they school. They drive you crazy? Refer to previous obstacle mentioned, the "they don't listen to you" part...You have to work outside your house for income? That's personal, and only you and your husband can answer that issue. But if it really is a barrier, and the only barrier, and you really wish you could have the children home, then there may be expenses that aren't totally necessary you can figure out how to cut. My car is 15 years old. Our sofa came out of Blake's aunt's barn. The last towels we bought were from Target, and they were to replace our "wedding gift" towels from 13 years ago. And that was just last year. But we do like to eat out and buy wines...You don't want to do it? Well that's totally your business, and I do not judge it. Just don't look at me like I'm crazy.

This IS my life. And so is our friends, writing, photography (although very unprofessional), being with my husband, the relationships with our families, church, horses (OK, so I'm still dreaming here), remodeling the house, gardening, and other things to numerous to list. We made a choice, we're living with it, and pretty well, most days, too. This is a season. There will be others, also.

They'll go. Colleges are becoming very enlightened about homeschooled kids. Some don't even care to see a "diploma", although I 've got a template for one I can print out if they do. Scholarships and grants are available to us, like anyone else. And chances are, the children will be better prepared and more focused once they go, if they go, than following a traditional line of schooling ( I could dig up loads of statistics and real examples, but won't bore your further). Did you say "if" they go? Egaads! Don't you have to go to college to be successful in life?! It depends. College may or may not serve their interests or support what they want to do in life. That is something we'll have to wait to see. And we'll be there to help if that's what they want and need.