The Booger Bandit has struck our household again, but his time with an arsenal of glue, which strangely enough, has very similar properties to the boogers we were previously hit with.
Upon accusation of the alleged crime (sister is now considering witness protection), a speedy gathering of the facts, and collection of evidence ensued. For the prosecution, there was:
Exhibit A - mostly used tube of glue
Exhibit B - very gooey sticky spot on sister’s wall
Exhibit C - very upset (at the coming forward of witness sister) Bandit Artist, formerly dealing in boogers.
And the aggrieved sister seeking damages, and swift retribution.
For the Defense, there was:
Booger Bandit crying hysterically, pleading not guilty with the “I didn’t mean to” line of defense.
Trial was indeed swift, and while the jury of one deliberated the evidence at hand, The Defendant wailed his defense at ever increasing decibles, and was remanded to his room for contempt of court. The prosecution’s star witness was remanded to her room for attempting to sway the jury repeatedly, judge/jury of one declaring that this too, was contempt of court, and would not be tolerated. Order in this courtroom would prevail.
With disturbances aside, a verdict was reached quickly. The jury forewoman announced that the Defendant was indeed guilty of one count of Glue Smearing Where Glue is Never Allowed. Jury forewoman/Judge called in the Defendant to receive sentencing. As this was a second count of Substance Smearing, Booger Bandit would have all gooey substances removed from his ability to reach them (save those that grow in his nose) for a minimum of 1 week, with no chance for setting this sentence aside. As the Defendant is deeply involved in his art this week, the sentence hit hard. And he was ordered to clean up the damage BY HIMSELF. Wailings of “I can’t” were ordered to cease. In addition, Booger Bandit would remain in his room for a minimum of 30 minutes, no chance for parole.
Booger Bandit was heard to yell, “But I just wanted to see what it looked like!”, as he was ushered out of the courtroom.
