And now, for my dear friend, who’s oldest child is just reaching 6 and a half. She called last night with the eternal dilemma of what do I tell him when he says but everyone else gets to (fill in the blank). After telling her what I usually try to say in these instances, she said would you just write that down? I need a script, or something. So Mel, your script…
(with much empathy) Ooh, hon…I am sooo sorry that it feels like every one else you know in the whole world gets to see “Saw II” and have their own personal cell phone. Mommy and Daddy know just what that feels like. We remember when (use personal anecdote, like say, when it was your birthday party at the roller rink, and you were the only one in farm print quilted overalls, that your Momma made, and all your little girlfriends got to wear their embroidered jeans and logo Ts…just pulled that one out of the air, of course). Then move on to…we sooo wish we could just let you do all these things that feel so important to you, and that when you don’t get to do them, y - (wait a minute, Blue is up, snuggle fest) - you feel so left out. And that feels really bad, we know. Like you have to miss out on all the good stuff. But you know what? It’s just not our choice alone. We have a job to do, that God gives us. And he tells us (when he asks how, you can say, through His word, or in our spirit, etc.) what is good for you and what is not. We have to make decisions for you that are not always easy, for you or for us. Because it is our job. It’d be easier to just let you do whatever you want, whenever you want to, but you wouldn’t turn out to be the young man one day that you’re supposed to be. We wish we could do for you, and give you, just anything you want, but it would be wrong. It would actually be bad for you. So we just can’t. And we know this sometimes will make you angry. That’s OK. We understand. You just can’t be disrespectful to us while you feel that way. But we’ll be here when you want to talk about it, and all the other stuff that’s hard out there, and makes you feel left out. ‘Kay? (hugs all around)
And Mel, when and if that fails, this is the most fool proof method I know to use. Choose one of the following:
1. Because I said so.
2. Because I’m the boss of you.
3. Because I’m the mom/dad, and you’re not.
4. Because I like to see you suffer. (just kidding) But you know, sometimes when one of ours persists in a ridiculous line of questioning concerning something that’s just not fair, or how come he/she gets to (whatever), and he/she doesn’t, or why don’t we do (something) for him/her, we just say because we love him/her more than you, or because we think it’s funny when you’re miserable, or well, you know, he/she is our favorite. And you know what? They get this look like whaaaaaa? and then know immediately that we’re kidding, that we are doing what we do because we’re doing the best we know how, and they relent. And we usually start laughing. Just a thought. Sometimes works for us.
