Alright, almost everyone (except KLee) that I converse with is from north of the Mason-Dixon, so I thought up this little page to help explain myself, and my "heritage".
Southern is knowing that butterbeans, cornbread and grits is better dining than any 5 star restaraunt. Biscuits over bagels. Being a strong, independent woman and still expecting men to open doors for you. Thinking they all have the accent. Not understanding why yall isn't in the dictionary, or why yankees think it's funny. It is thinking "you guys" is funny.
Southern is knowing who your people are, and where your people come from. Feeling a bit nostalgic about hoop skirts and big front porches, but understanding why that life had to end. Sweet iced tea. Screened porches. Understanding there may be no weather cooler than 85 degrees til after mid October, and that Christmas Day may be 75. Knowing the AC may come on as early as March. Southern is thinking the Land's End catalogue is really only for people who live waaaaay north, as there is no need for a Squall Jacket down here. Being jealous of needing a Squall Jacket. Knowing people don't really drink mint juleps, not much at least, but do drink a lot of rum and Coke at SEC football games. Knowing that Coke refers to any soft drink, regardless of it's proper name. "Would you like a Coke?" Sure. "Well, what kind?". I'll take a Diet Sprite.
Florida is not Southern, except maybe Tallahassee, by virtue of its close proximity to Georgia, and large use of "yall" and sweet iced tea. Neither is Texas. Texas is it's own country. Southern is lots of double names based on old family surnames. Mary Dodd, John Morgan, Ann Grayson, Mary Parkinson, Mary William, Mary nearly anything. First names based on the same, like Hall, Hamilton, Walker. And baby girls named after their Mama's Mama. And referring to your husband, for the whole of your marriage, by his first and last name. (spoken by wife of Joe Brooks) "Joe Brooks likes his coffee, I tell ya'". (spoken by wife of Paul Good) "Paul Good would think that is soooo funny". Southern is knowing that when one refers to directions in Atlanta, and says "Peachtree St.", that there are waaay more than 5 choices for which "Peachtree St.". Knowing Atlanta is actually becoming very Yankee. (Carpet Baggers...) Understanding why Yankees continue to come down here, but very few of us move up there. Saying your M'ams and Sirs. Knowing dinner is at noon, and supper the evening meal. And that fried pork chops is a perfectly acceptable meal at breakfast time.
Southern is covered dish dinners at church. Covered dishes, in general. If someone has a baby, is ill, or loses a loved one, always take a covered dish. If a new neighbor moves in, take a covered dish. Write your name on making tape on the bottom, and expect that it will be returned to you with another meal in it, for thanks. Southern is remembering to write thank you notes, and teaching even your very young children to do the same. Southern is big, wide brimmed hats in church. Going to church even if you don't get what it's all about, because that's what your people do.
Southern is decorating for Christmas with Magnolia leaves, and knowing that the Dogwoods in bloom signal the start of spring, which really is Easter time. Watching the traffic from the front porch, after supper. Buttermilk with cornbread crumbled in. Fried okra. Knowing that redneck and country is not necessarily Southern. Southern is also occasionally women with big hair who'll smile sweetly and say something flattering to you, and stab you in the back when you're not looking. Southern is Dah-lin', and Dumplin', Hun-nee and Shug-ah. Gran-muthah Boo, Miss Betsy (who's 72 and single) and invitations addressed to Master William Blue (who's 4). Gettin' nearly 3 syllables out of "damn", it should come out more like "dia-ah-mm". Pantyhose being a right of passage. Southern is silver, white linen tablecloths, and sand dollars from Pawley's or Edisto, or Sea Island on the Christmas Tree. Southern is fierce loyalty to your college ball team, even after your own children are out of school. Southern is women who cook 5 times the amount of food necessary anytime food needs to be served, and feeling that there is never a time food isn't needed to be served.
Southern is feeling you live in the best part of the country, despite the near incessant heat and humidity from March through September. Starting school when the temps still top 90, and not getting to wear your new "back to school" clothes comfortably for more than a month into the school year. Knowing white is for after Easter, and only til Labor Day. True ladies always have well manicured hands, and wear dish gloves to keep them that way. Southern women can always feed you, no matter how last minute your dropping in. Never being caught with nothing in the icebox. Because southern women do drop in, for sweet iced tea. Even if it's now sweetened with Splenda.
Southern Ladies watch their figyah's, and never tell their true weight, and usually not their true age. Southern is knowing what the anacronym G.R.I.T. stands for. Southern is waaaay more carbs than protein. Dressin', not stuffin' for Thanksgiving. Daffodils. Kudzu. Relatives with names like Daddy Comer, and Other MaMa. Divorces that result in no paperwork being filed, but just moving across the street from eachother (what would people say?). Southern is being concerned about what people would say. Being able to calmly eat your dinner at home from work while you shoot your neighbor's chickens that won't stay out of your backyard. Calling your daughter's fiance that boy. Or your son's, that girl. Knowing that being a police man for Spartanburg, SC is a noble position. Making the best caramel cake ever. Toasting left over biscuits open faced with big pats of butter. Serving a stack of white loaf bread as a side for supper. And using some of it to sop up the gravy. Knowing where Cowpens, or LaGrange is. Tent Revivals. Alter calls every Sunday. Saying Charleston Chaaalstun, and Atlanta, Alaana, and Montgomery, Maguum'ry. Being 34 and still saying Daddy. Knowing sayings like Oh my stars and garters, or They don't know her from Adam's house cat, If you can't stand the heat, get outta the kitchen, cute as a bug in a rug, and Well, pick my peas! Or let it roll off you like a water of a duck's back, rode hard and put up wet, that gives me the heebies, and running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Not being willing to leave no matter how hot it gets.
